


Love is Blind

by scenerdoth



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Angst, Blind Bill Cipher, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Mabill, and blame daisy if this is shit, idk i'll add more later i'm lazy and have barely an idea of where this plot is going, you guys better thank/curse an inspirational tumblr post for this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 14:18:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10024427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scenerdoth/pseuds/scenerdoth
Summary: The eye that was once all-seeing sees nothing, and will need the help of a sparkly girl to help him find his way.





	1. Chapter One

Bill Cipher was terrified. Stan’s mindscape was up in flames, the memory ray destroying everything inside, including Stan and himself.  
“Y-YOU IDIOT! DON’T YOU REALIZE THAT YOU’RE DESTROYING YOUR OWN MIND TOO?” Bill cried.  
“Eh,” Stan shrugged, “Wasn’t like I was using this space much, anyway.”  
“LET ME OUT OF HERE! LET ME OUT!” Bill turned away from Stan and desperately tried to make a portal out, but the magic sputtered and died. “WHY ISN’T THIS WORKING?”  
“Hey, look at me.” Stan said forcefully, “Turn around and look at me, you one-eyed demon!”  
Bill turned around, his eye wide with fear.  
“You’re a real wise guy, but you made one fatal mistake,” said Stan, “You messed with my family.”  
“YOU’RE MAKING A MISTAKE! I’LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING! MONEY! FAME! RICHES! INFINITE POWER! YOUR OWN GALAXY! PLEASE!” Bill pleaded.  
This was it. This was the end of Bill Cipher. All his hopes. All of his dreams. They all were going up in flames: literally.  
“A-X-O-L-O-T-L! MY TIME HAS COME TO BURN, I INVOKE THE ANCIENT POWER SO THAT I MAY RETURN!” Bill chanted backwards in desperation as his form glitched into multiple, distorted versions of himself.   
He tried his hardest to stabilize his form, but by the time he did so Stan’s fist was heading straight towards him.  
“STANLEY!” he shrieked as Stan’s fist closed in on his eye, shattering him into a million pieces.  
Then everything went black. He couldn’t see, or feel, or taste, or hear, or smell, or even think. He couldn’t even recognize the face that he even existed. He felt like nothing. He was nothing.   
Suddenly, Bill felt a little tingling sensation all over his body. The tingling sensation began to grow, until he could faintly feel the dew-covered grass beneath his back and the cool mountain air surrounding him. These senses began to grow until his eyes shot open and he let out a yelp, like he had woken from a nightmare.   
Bill sat up, panting for breath. He just couldn’t believe it: he was alive. But something seemed off. Despite all of his other senses working fine, he still couldn’t see anything. He blinked once and nothing happened. He blinked again, but to no avail. He started blinking frantically, hoping that somehow his sight would be restored.  
“NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!” Bill shouted as he stood up.   
He started pacing back and forth, running his fingers through his hair. He then became more frightened as he started to realize he had hair. Bill stopped pacing and started feeling his entire body in hopes that his suspicions were not true. However, as he touched the squishy flesh that covered his face he knew: the Axolotl had turned him into a human, and even worse, had taken away his sight.  
“IS THIS SOME KIND OF JOKE?” Bill shouted at the sky.  
He knew that the Axolotl was watching him. Probably laughing their little ass off, too.  
Furiously he walked forward, muttering swears against the Axolotl until he ran face first into a tree.  
“SHIT!” he said under his breath as he rubbed his nose.   
Irritated, Bill turned away from the tree and placed his hands in front of him so that he could feel the area in front of him. Carefully, he started to move, trying his hardest not to trip or run into anything. Despite his efforts, he stubbed his toe on something that was made of stone.  
“AGH!” he screamed in frustration.  
He kept moving around and running into trees and such for some time, but made very little progress. After a few hours, he found a tree and sat down on the ground, placing his back against its trunk.  
“SO HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO GET OUT OF HERE?” Bill shouted, knowing that the Axolotl was listening. “DIDN’T THINK THAT THROUGH, DID YA’!”  
Bill laughed bitterly.  
“GREAT JOB, BUDDY. YOU WANTED ME TO DO SOMETHING TO ATONE MY ‘SINS’? WELL GUESS WHAT? I’M PROBABLY GOING TO DIE OUT HERE BECAUSE YOU DECIDED TO BE FUNNY AND TAKE AWAY THE ALL-SEEING-EYE’S SIGHT!”  
Bill sighed. He really was going to die out here. He had no idea where he was other than that he was in some forest somewhere, he couldn’t see so he couldn’t find his way around, and despite possessing human forms on multiple occasions he had no idea how to even take care of one. But then again, what was he to expect from that frilly asshole anyways.  
The air started to grow colder as the sun began to set. Bill brought his legs closer to his body and hugged himself to try and keep warm.  
“SO THIS IS WHAT HELL IS LIKE,” he thought to himself. “AT LEAST THE AXOLOTL COULD’VE BEEN THOUGHTFUL ENOUGH TO GIVE ME CLOTHES.”  
He sat like this for a while, until suddenly a twig snapped. Bill’s head instinctively shot in the direction of the noise, but it was no use. He still couldn’t see anything.  
The noise began to move closer and closer to him, until a feminine voice said, “What’s a person like you doing out here? Without a flashlight? Or provisions? Or clothes?”  
The woman’s voice (or at least he thought she was a woman) was silky smooth and sounded like it was somewhere in the alto range. Despite his distaste for flesh bags, he was ecstatic over the fact that someone was there.  
“Seriously man, are you okay?” the voice asked.  
“NO,” Bill replied.  
They were silent for a little bit.  
“Do you know what happened?” she asked.  
“HONESTLY DOLL, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I GOT HERE OR WHERE THE HELL I AM,” Bill said.  
“Wild night, eh?” the voice chuckled.  
“YEAH, YOU COULD SAY THAT.”  
“Alright then,” the voice stayed quiet for a minute before softly saying, “Hey, are you blind?”  
“YEAH. WHY ARE YOU ASKING?”  
“Because I literally just held my hand out for a minute without you shaking it.”  
Bill remained still and silent. The fact that somebody was going to shake his hand without making a deal was extremely uncomfortable to him. However, the voice didn’t know this so she grabbed his hand and shook it.  
“My name’s Devi,” she said, continuing to shake his hand, “What’s yours?”  
Bill paused for a moment before saying, “William. My name’s William.”  
Devi grabbed both of his hands and pulled Bill up from the ground.  
“Well come on William. Let’s go to my place and find you some clothes.” she said as she started to guide him through the forest. “After you are decent you can call up some of your buddies to get you a ride home.”  
“A-ARE YOU SERIOUS?” Bill said. “YOU’RE GOING TO LET SOME NAKED STRANGER YOU JUST MET IN THE WOODS INTO YOUR HOUSE AND YOU DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?”  
“Nope!” Devi replied.  
“FAIR ENOUGH.”  
“Now if you’re done complaining, could you please step up the pace?” Devi said. “I know you’re blind and all but it’s getting dark and everybody knows it’s not the smartest idea to be outside in the forest at night in Gravity Falls.”  
She started to walk a bit faster, but was still considerate of Bill’s condition, alerting him of any hanging branches or rocks that could harm him. But Bill didn’t really notice any of this. All Bill could think of is that he still was in that hick town, even after dying for who knows how long.  
“HEY WHAT’S THE DATE?” Bill asked.  
“September 1st.” Devi replied.  
“Dude, what the hell were you smoking last night that made you forget what year it is and where can I get it? Anyways, It’s 2021.”  
Bill was shocked. He’d been gone for over 9 years. How old would it make those brats who ruined him? Twenty-two maybe? He wasn’t sure.  
Devi continued to lead Bill through the woods until Devi said, “Here we are. Home sweet home. I know you can’t see it, so I just wanted to let you know.”  
“THANKS,” Bill replied flatly.  
“Also dude,” she said, “I kinda live with my girlfriend and she might freak out.”  
“SHE MIGHT FREAK OUT?” Bill asked.  
“Okay Mr. Smarty Pants. She will freak out.” she replied. “But don’t worry I’ll calm her down. I’ve done stranger things.”  
Bill was puzzled for a minute. What the hell had this kid done that was stranger than this for a human?  
“Alright man, Watch your step.” Devi said as she pulled Bill up the stairs, “There’s three of them.”  
She then opened the door and shouted loudly, “HEY BABE. I FOUND THIS NAKED BLIND GUY IN THE WOODS AND AM LETTING HIM BORROW SOME CLOTHES AND USE THE PHONE IS THAT OKAY?”  
“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” a high pitched, nasally voice asked from upstairs. "OF ALL THE STUPID THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN YOUR LIFE, THIS IS PROBABLY THE SECOND STUPIDEST IF YOU'RE NOT JOKING! SO PLEASE TELL ME YOUR NOT JOKING!"  
For some reason that voice sounded familiar to Bill, but he couldn’t quite place it.  
“NO I’M NOT! CAN YOU GRAB SOME CLOTHES FROM UPSTAIRS FOR THIS GUY!” Devi responded.  
There was a short moment of silence.  
“FINE! JUST WAIT A MINUTE! IN THE MEANTIME FIND A BLANKET FOR HIM OR SOMETHING!” the woman upstairs yelled.  
“I LOVE YOU, BABE!” Devi said.  
"LOVE YOU, TOO. WHY ELSE WOULD I PUT UP WITH YOUR SHENANIGANS?"  
Bill heard some shuffling of drawers upstairs, probably Devi’s girlfriend looking for some clothes. He then felt something soft go over his shoulders that was probably a blanket.  
“IS THAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND?” Bill asked Devi as he wrapped the blanket around himself.  
“Yeah.” She said. “Her name’s Mabel Pines and she’s a fucking goddess.”  
“OH NO.” Bill thought to himself.  
Things were going to get interesting.


	2. Chapter 2

     Mabel rummaged through the drawers of the wardrobe, trying to find something that would hopefully fit the guest that Devi had brought home. She was still rather skeptical about her girlfriend bringing a blind, nude, stranger into the house, but Devi had done stranger things in the past and they had turned out fine. Besides, she couldn’t just stop her from helping any living thing in need. It was part of her nature, along with one of Mabel’s favorite things about her.  
Mabel shuffled through the clothes and eventually found an oversized Several Timez T-Shirt from a reunion concert that she had dragged Devi to a few years earlier and a pair of Devi’s sweatpants. Devi was a bit chunkier and taller than the average girl, so she thought they might fit a dude. “Let’s hope this works,” Mabel said to herself as she headed down the stairs.  
She walked into the living room and saw Devi sitting on the couch with the blanket-clad stranger. He was tall and a bi too skinny for his own good. He had brown skin, extremely messy blond hair (which she was pretty sure was dyed), and his eyes were grey. Not like the “dark, intense, moody, grey eyes” sort of grey. It was a very dull grey, and covered the iris and pupil of his eyes. It was rather unnerving to look at, so Mabel tried her best to avoid eye contact with him.  
“Mabel,” Devi said with a polite smile, “This is William. William, This is Mabel.”  
“NICE TO MEET YOU SH- UM, MADAME,” He said.  
“Hello,” Mabel said awkwardly.  
The man was grinning extremely wide, and it was making Mabel very uncomfortable. It didn’t help that his voice sounded extremely familiar. However, Mabel was certain that she had never seen William ever before in her life. She was pretty sure she would remember seeing a guy like that.  
“Here,” Mabel said as she handed him the clothes. “Umm… There’s a guest room over there for you to get changed in.”  
She pointed over to the hall, before quickly realizing her mistake and blushing intensely.  
“I gotcha dude,” Devi said.  
Gently, she put a hand on his shoulder and helped lead him down the hall to where the guest room was. As soon as she shut the door, she sprinted right back to where Mabel was.  
“That guy is a real creep,” Mabel said.  
“He really is,” said Devi. “And the thing is, I don’t think he’s been blind all that long. Most people who’ve been blind a long time do not act like that at all. My theory is that he decided to do a ton of drugs to see how they would affect him now that he was blind. I mean, that’s what I would do.”  
“Devi,” Mabel chided.  
“Okay, I wouldn’t do that,” Her girlfriend stayed silent for a bit. “I can’t lie like this! I would smoke all the weed.”  
“Oh my god,” Mabel placed her head on her forehead.  
“Look,” Devi placed her hands on Mabel’s shoulders. “Once this guy gets dressed, all I have to do is call up some of his buddies and take him home. And I swear to god, once he’s gone I will make this up for you. I really will-”  
“You don’t have to do that,” Mabel said with a smile.  
“Yes, I do.” Devi insisted. “I’ll even suffer through that shitty vampire romance you like. Even though Dracula is a classic and is much better.”  
“You’re wrong. Blood Mates is the best,” Mabel said defensively.  
“I’m sorry, but as a goth the vampires in that film are offensive to me and my culture.”  
“Hey, I was a goth once too!”  
“Yeah. A really shitty one.” Devi smirked as Mabel growled playfully.  
Suddenly, there was a loud crashing noise from the guest bedroom. Devi muttered something incomprehensible under her breath and rushed over to the guest room to see what the damage was. Mabel followed after her, hoping that nothing valuable was broken.  
Upon coming into the room, she saw that it was just the bookshelf that fell down, scattering Devi’s medical textbooks all over the place, including on top of William . Mabel felt relieved, but she saw that Devi was desperately trying to control her temper.  
“He didn’t mean it. He didn’t mean it. He didn’t mean it.” Devi whispered to herself as rocked her body back and forth.  
William was on the floor with his pants halfway up, laughing uncontrollably.  
“What the hell, man?” Mabel yelled. “And pull your pants up!”  
William stopped laughing for a moment to stand up and pull his sweatpants up, before starting to laugh again.  
“I’m gonna leave for a minute to calm down,” Devi told Mabel before whispering to herself, “Those books cost thousands of dollars. If any of the pages fall out of those books. I will steal that man’s wallet, buy extremely questionable things online with his credit card, and send them to him.”  
“Hey,” Mabel said to William, “Do you have any phone number we can call?”  
“NOPE,” He said as he got up, carelessly brushing off Devi’s books.  
“Do you have any friends or family we could call?” She asked hopefully.  
“NOT ANYMORE.” He said bluntly.  
Mabel was officially really freaked out.  
“Umm, okay,” Mabel said awkwardly. “What’s your address. Maybe we can take you home instead of-”  
“LISTEN SHOOTING STAR,” William quickly clapped his hands over his mouth, before pulling them away to reveal a menacing grin.  
Mabel’s eyes were wide in horror.  
“Y-you’re supposed to be dead. Grunkle Stan killed you. Grunkle Ford erased you from his mind.”  
“YOU CAN’T DESTROY A BEING OF PURE ENERGY, KID.” the supposed “William” responded, “I WAS, HOW DO YOU SAY IT, OUT OF COMMISSION FOR A WHILE, BUT I WAS NEVER FULLY DESTROYED.”  
“How? What the fuck?” Mabel placed her head into her hands.  
Bill laughed maniacally.  
“IT’S BEEN FUN, BUT IT’S GONNA BE A LOT FUNNER WHEN I GET MY REVENGE ON YOU.”  
“More fun,” Mabel said, despite her terror.  
“WHAT?”  
“You said ‘a lot funner’,” Mabel stated. “The correct way to say it is ‘more fun’.”  
“UGH! IT DOESN’T MATTER. YOU’RE GOING TO BE DEAD IN A-”  
Bill’s threat was cut off by Devi tackling him to the ground.  
“What the fuck, man?” Devi yelled as she slammed his head down on the floor, “I let you in my home, I give you some water, I let you borrow our clothes, and this is how you repay my hospitality?”  
“YEP.” said Bill with a smirk.  
Devi growled and was about to punch Bill right in the nose before Mabel said, “Don’t do it. It’s not going to do anything. He has a pain kink or something.”  
“Wait you know this cunt?” Devi asked, “Why didn’t you tell me before? Why did this dude not let on? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?”  
Mabel was still shaking from the realization that Bill was back.  
“WELL IF SHE’S NOT GOING TO TELL YOU THEN I WILL.” Bill said, “BASICALLY A LONG TIME AGO YOUR GIRLFRIEND HERE ALONG WITH THE REST OF HER FAMILY CRASHED A REALLY COOL PARTY OF MINE THAT I WAS GOING TO SPREAD WORLD-WIDE. OH YEAH, AND THEY ALSO TRIED TO ERASE ME FROM EXISTENCE, LITERALLY.”  
“Wait, I know about you.” Devi said angrily, “You’re that fucking nacho guy!”  
“THAT IS THE LEAST FLATTERING WAY THAT ANYBODY HAS DESCRIBED ME IN MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE.”  
“You’re welcome,” Devi said sarcastically.  
Bill tried to shove Devi off, but she was a lot heavier and a lot stronger than he was and pinned him back down every single time.  
Mabel stood and watched confused. She couldn’t understand how he got back, or why he hadn’t used his powers to slam Devi against a wall, stop being blind, or change back into his triangular form. It just didn’t make sense, unless…  
“You don’t have your powers do you?” Mabel asked Bill.  
“WHAT?” Bill replied. “PFFT. OF COURSE I HAVE MY POWERS. I’M JUST DOING THIS BECAUSE IT’S FUN.”  
Bill again tried to shove Devi off, but failed miserably.  
“Prove it.” Mabel said defiantly.  
“UMM.... SHIT.”  
“Oh my god. You really don’t have your powers.” Mabel said with a relieved sigh.  
Seeing how his struggle with Devi was going, he was absolutely pathetic without any of his magical abilities. It felt like a huge weight was lifted from Mabel’s shoulders, but there was still one problem. How did he even come back in the first place? Bill definitely wasn’t going to tell them.  
“Hey Devi?” Mabel asked, “Can you watch this loser while I go upstairs and call Dipper?”  
“Yep!” Devi said before picking Bill up and throwing him over her shoulder like he was a ragdoll.  
“THIS IS HUMILIATING AND UNDERMINING ME!” Bill screamed as she carried him out of the room.  
“Good,” Mabel and Devi said at the same time.  
Devi continued to carry Bill over to the kitchen while Mabel headed upstairs. She scrolled through her contacts until she found her brother’s number and called it.  
“Please pick up. Please pick up.” Mabel muttered to herself as she listened to the dial noise.  
“Hey, Mabel,” Dipper said. “Not exactly the best time to call me right-”  
“Dipper this is important.” Mabel stated.  
“Ok, ok. What’s the emergency?” Dipper asked.  
“Bill’s back.” Mabel said.  
The line was silent for a moment.  
“I thought Grunkle St-”  
“I thought so too.” Mabel sighed. “but he’s back as blind, black guy.”  
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Dipper said. “Of all the things he could’ve done, he decided to be blind?”  
“I don’t think he decided to. He doesn’t have any of his powers as far as I know.”  
“Are you sure? He could just be pretending.”  
“I don’t think that he would let Devi drag him around the house just for giggles.”  
She heard Dipper sigh.  
“Your right,” Dipper said. “But either way this is bad news. I’ll make sure to contact Grunkle Stan and Ford to make sure they know what’s up. Hopefully, Great Uncle Ford will have some explanation for this.”  
“I hope so too,” Mabel said.  
“I’m filming the finale for this season of my ghost hunting show, but as soon as I’m done Wendy and I will head up there to help you two. Until then, don’t let him out of your sight. Who knows what he’s up to.”  
“Alright,” Mabel said. “Love you, bro-bro.”  
“Love you too, Mabel. Bye.” Dipper replied.  
“Bye.” Mabel said before hanging up.  
Mabel sighed as she sat down on her bed. It would probably be a couple of days before Dipper showed up, and honestly she had no idea what to do until he did come.  
Not really knowing what to do, she headed over to the bathroom to wash off her makeup and get ready for bed. Suddenly, she felt two arms wrapping around her waist.  
“I am longing to be with you, and by the sea, where we can talk together freely and build our castles in the air.” Devi said before tenderly kissing Mabel’s neck.  
“Wow, that’s really poetic.” Mabel said with a slight smirk. “Did you come up with that?”  
“No,” Devi replied. “It’s from Dracula. That one book I keep trying to get you to read so you can have some experience with real vampires.”  
“Ok, I might read it.” Mabel said.  
“After four years of me nagging, two of those while being your girlfriend, you’re finally going to read it?” Devi asked skeptically.  
“Sure. I need a distraction after all of this.” Mabel said. “Where is Bill?”  
“I slipped him some California poppy seeds to knock him out. They should last a couple of hours.”  
Mabel pecked Devi on the lips.  
“I really, really love you.” Mabel said.  
“I know.” Devi replied with a smirk. “Now move over, all this eyeliner isn’t going to clean itself off.”  
Mabel giggled a bit before moving over to let her girlfriend take off all her gothic makeup. She honestly really liked her without all of her makeup on, but she just couldn’t convince her about that.  
They both finished washing up and started to put on their nightclothes.  
“So, what’s the plan for tomorrow?” Devi asked. “You know that tomorrow is when I close the clinic so I’ll be there to help out.”  
Mabel sighed. “Honestly, I have no idea what I’m going to do.”  
Devi laid down on the bed and pulled the blanket over herself.  
“We’ll figure it out later.”  
Mabel laid down next to Devi and snuggled her.  
“Goodnight, babe,” Devi said softly before gently kissing the top of Mabel’s hair.  
“Goodnight,” Mabel replied.  
She laid like that for a moment, before drifting off into an uneasy sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the weird formatting. I have no idea how to work Ao3 so there are actual paragraphs. Also I'm sorry that my writing is shit. I honestly have no idea how any of you guys actually like this. It's like it's written by a twelve year old and I'm a senior in high school.   
> Anyways thanks for the kudos and feel free to yell at me about how I wasted 5 minutes of your life in the comments.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Chapter 3_ **

Devi loved sleep and despised mornings. That’s why when Mabel ripped the warm blankets off of her body and shook her awake, Devi made a rather inhuman hissing noise.

“Come on, get up,” Mabel said playfully.

Devi glanced at the alarm clock on the dresser. It said eight o’ clock.

“The clinic opens at twelve, and I got the day off today,” she mumbled sleepily.

Mabel sighed.

“That’s true. But I think the stuff you used to knock  _ your _ houseguest out is wearing off.”

“Fuck.”

Mabel sat down on the bed.

“Devi, honestly what were you thinking?” Mabel scolded “This isn’t like bringing in a hurt animal or something like that. You just brought a random person into our home. He could’ve been a psycho axe murderer. Actually, never mind this is worse than a psycho axe murderer.”

“Look,” Devi replied. “All I saw was some blind dude, and as far as I know the only blind people that could actually hurt you are Stick and Daredevil and neither of those guys are even real. Also , unlike you, I have never had any encounters with the guy. How in hell was I supposed to know he was a sociopathic demon reincarnate?”

Mabel went silent. Devi sat up and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I got us into this mess. But let’s be honest, as much as he doesn’t deserve our help, the world isn’t ready for the bastard.”

Mabel opened her mouth to speak but Devi interrupted her.

“I mean, do I think it would do the world a favor if he accidentally got hit by a car? Yes. Yes it would. Actually it would be doing the world a huge favor. But as a doctor, the guy belongs in a hospital. And unfortunately the guy doesn’t have any of the necessary papers to even get into one. I made this mess, and even though I don’t have a psych degree, I have to clean this shit up.”

Suddenly, a loud crash sounded from downstairs. Devi looked at Mabel awkwardly.

“Umm, can you get that while I put my face on?” Devi asked.

Mabel laughed.

“Fine. I was planning to help you out anyways. There’s no way you could pull this off all by yourself.”

“Are you doubting me?” Devi smirked.

“Actually yes.” Mabel pecked Devi’s nose and then ran downstairs.

Once Mabel left the room, Devi let out a big sigh. From under the bed, a little chittering noise followed suit. With a smile on her face, Devi got on the floor and pulled her pet plaidypus into her arms.

“This is gonna be a long day, Alexander Flannelton,” Devi said while stroking the strange creature. “This is gonna be a long day.”

Devi’s normal “morning” routine was this: wake up to alarm clock, hit the snooze button, go back to sleep, wake up to alarm clock again, go back to sleep again, hit the snooze button again, wake up to alarm clock for the third time, groan at alarm clock, finally sit up, stare at the wall for five minutes, realize that she’s been staring at the wall for five minutes, grab some clothes from the closet, go to the bathroom, use the toilet, stare at the wall in the bathroom for five more minutes, get up from the toilet, put clothes on, brush her hair and teeth, and then finally spend about thirty minutes putting on her makeup. Later on in the day she will realize that she forgot to put deodorant on, and shrugs.

That was about what she did.. Of course there was the little yells of “Don’t put your hand in the blender Bill! We don’t have insurance on it!” and “I’LL DO WHAT I WANT” and then the sound of the blender whirring through the air. But other than that was completely normal.

As Devi walked into the kitchen, she saw Mabel and Bill fighting over the blender. Fortunately, the irritating sound coming from the blender had stopped, due to the machine no longer being plugged in. Devi ripped the blender out of Bill’s arms and placed it on top of the refrigerator.

“It’s too fucking early for this shit.” Devi groaned, the little sympathy she had for Bill disappearing as quickly as snow when it’s touched with a curling iron.

She headed over to the coffee machine and poured a cup of coffee into a mug. Then she headed over to the liquor cabinet and dumped a fair amount of whiskey in it. Mabel gave her a disapproving look, but it was five o’ clock somewhere and if she was gonna deal with this shit she was gonna need a little something to help.

Alexander waddled into the room chittering for his breakfast. Devi grabbed some raw shrimp from the refrigerator, placed it into her adorable pets’ bowl, and stroked him a couple of times before glaring at Bill.

“I know you can’t see my face dude, but I’m glaring at you.” Devi explained irritably.

Bill smirked.

“Anyways you fucker, first rule of being a human is you gotta eat stuff. I understand that you want a breakfast smoothie, but you’re not going to make a very tasty one by sticking your hand in it.”

“I DON’T WANT A-”

“Shut up,” Devi replied.

Bill looked at her in shock, like nobody had ever told him to shut up before. Mabel looked like she was trying not to laugh. Devi kind of wished that she was laughing though. She had the most beautiful laugh.

“Anyways, to make a great smoothie you need fruit, yogurt, honey, and wheatgrass. Or at least I love wheatgrass in mine. How do you feel about grass?”

“I DON’T-”

“Wait. I don’t really care,” Devi interrupted. “Hey Mabes, can you grab me the stuff?”

Devi forced an extremely confused Bill to sit on a chair as Mabel grabbed the ingredients to the smoothie.

“I’D SAY THIS IS HELL, BUT THIS IS WORSE THAN THAT.” Bill said spitefully.

“And I’d say you were right, nacho.” Devi replied.

“Guess you’re getting what you deserve, huh?” Mabel said with a smirk.

“I DON’T-”

The loud whir of the blender sounded through the air. It stopped.

“I DON’T DE-”

The blender turned back on, and then turned off. Bill glared at the sound of the blender. Devi and Mabel tried their hardest to not laugh, but they finally broke and their laughter filled the air.

“I DON’T DESERVE ANY OF THIS.” Bill said.

“You’re right.” Mabel said, in a dark tone that Devi rarely heard Mabel use on anyone. “You deserve much worse for what you’ve done. Consider this a blessing, cause it’s gonna be a lot worse when Grunkle Stan and Ford come over.”

Bill opened his mouth to speak, but just as quickly closed it. Guess the silver-tongue demon had lost his tongue. Devi almost felt bad for him. The loser really had hit rock bottom, but then again he did give her girlfriend a fair amount of mental scars that she still carried with her to this day.  _ Nevermind, _ she thought.  _ Fuck that guy. And not in the fun way. _

She poured the smoothie into two glasses, deciding that she was fine with just her spiked coffee. She handed one to Mabel, and then placed the other one in Bill’s hand.

“Drink up,” Devi said. 

Bill did nothing.

“Suit yourself.”

Mabel washed the blender and put it back up on the refrigerator. Devi looked a Bill for another moment before grabbing her coffee and sitting across from him.

“So…” Devi said, “We’ve decided to let you stay here for a bit. Mainly because you have none of the papers to support yourself in society and there aren’t really any gangs in Gravity Falls that you could possibly be employed in.”

“OH LUCKY ME,” Bill replied.

“Also, you need to learn how to act like an actual person and not like somebody who needs to be locked up in a psych ward for at least a couple of months. Again, because you have no birth certificate and also you wouldn’t be covered on our insurance. The latter being the most important in this case.”

“We already have to pay off student debt,” Mabel said.

“And at least that was something that benefited us in the long haul,” Devi paused. “At least I hope it does. You never know in this economy.”

“Anyways,” Mabel said, “We’re setting up some house rules.”

Bill began to cackle. “AND WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I’M GONNA LISTEN TO THOSE, TOOTS.”

Devi sighed. “Look, none of us like this. Just fucking do what we say for a couple months. Then Grunkle Stan will show up, forge some papers, and then you can do whatever the fuck you want. Go jump off a cliff, start a gang, solve world hunger - just do something productive for the gods sake.”

“ONE OF THOSE THINGS IS NOT LIKE  THE OTHERS,” Bill replied.

“Oh, you mean starting a gang? I mean where else would I get good kush in the deep south?” Devi asked.

“Like you would ever go there,” Mabel said.

“You’re right,” Devi said. “Mainly cause Florida doesn’t count cause it’s the USA’s version of Australia.”

“Not where I was going at all,” Mabel muttered.

“ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,” Bill scoffed. “WHAT ARE THESE DUMB RULES SO I CAN BREAK EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM?”

“You know with that logic I would use reverse psychology to trick you into doing what I want right?” Devi said.

“A GIRL AFTER MY OWN HEART… IF I HAD ONE.”

“Well technically…”

“Can we just get this over with?” Mabel said. 

“You’re right, sorry,” Devi replied. She took a deep breath. “Rule number one, don’t go into any of the no-no zones. Those being any bedroom other than the guest one and the upstairs bathroom. Number two, no self-harm of any sort, and even though I never followed that rule when I was young it was because I hated myself and not because I had a very specific kink. Also your version, which includes self-amputations and extreme maiming, could easily cause like… death. I really don’t want to explain that to the police. Rule number three, never leave the house without either of us supervising you. And finally, number four…” she paused for dramatic effect. “No country music ever. With ONE, only one, exception. The Devil Went Down to Georgia by the Charlie Daniels Band because that song is LIT!”

“THAT’S IT?” Bill asked.

“And don’t kill us,” Mabel said.

“Yeah, that,” Devi said flatly. “Although, honestly that one should be a given since we are the ones paying rent and somebody doesn’t have a job.”

“NO FUN,” Bill pouted.

“Bro, just follow these rules for like… three days,” Devi said. “Three fucking days. And we’ll get you some new clothes that actually fit you.”

“A SUIT,” Bill said.

“Only if that’s the only thing you’re going to get, because Sally Mae is coming for my ass hard,” Devi replied.

“THEN KILL HER,” Bill said like it was a given.

“Thanks for the words of wisdom but I don’t think I can kill the whole system of student loans,” She said sarcastically.

“YOU’RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH. WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IS-”

“Okay enough of this,” Mabel said. 

“SHOOTING STAR IS RIGHT,” Bill said. “WE’VE BEEN DOING MOSTLY FILLER FOR THIS CHAPTER… OF OUR LIVES.”

Neither Devi or Mabel were impressed.

“Okay, we will buy you a weeks worth of clothes as a reward for the three days. The suit, however, will be postponed until you can follow the rules for two weeks straight, got it?”

“IT’S A DEAL!”

“Don’t say that!” Devi and Mabel immediately said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So over a year since I left this and i've come back. NOW SUFFER THROUGH MY SHITTY WRITING ONCE AGAIN. MUHAAHAHAHAHAHA.


End file.
